COVID Shot Me With One Bullet
I’ve been in ‘isolation’ since December 14th. Until that point I had not been personally affected by COVID-19. Looking back now that was from a combination of cautiousness and luck. From the beginning I have taken COVID seriously. A germaphobe and health nut COVID seemed like a logical thing for me to attempt to stay far away from.
My life has been a series of eliminating social norms that hurt us. Eliminating common health pitfalls such as a sedentary lifestyle. Combating an office life with an addiction to active transportation and ironman triathlons. Getting to the point of being fit enough to get rid of my car and commute everywhere under my own power.
The standard American diet seemed like it wasn’t working well for the health of most people. To combat I spent almost two years as a raw food vegan. Since relaxed to a regular vegan but now knowing too much to go back to the steak and cheese diet I grew up with.
There was a time in my life when life was simply a series of drinking sessions. A party in my own head lasting from about 18 to 24. Shallow and self induced I vowed to never live like that again when I snapped out of it. Quitting these substances was hard at first. You had to learn to like yourself. Your honest self, forcing me to stop playing this character and step up to being me.
All of these examples were hard. They alienated me from certain groups and former friends. But they all worked. Everything I did was completely in my control and results came fast and that made it easier to keep moving in that direction. Then after a while it’s habit, and there are too many articles already about the power of habits. Main point being bad habits are tough to break but the good ones are just as tough.
In our control but no guarantees.
And this is what sucks about COVID. I was warned from various sources that my lifestyle changes were no guarantee of future success. You were making it extremely more likely to have future success but no guarantee.
Could running guarantee you’d always be fit? Surely not. One injury can put a runner back on the couch quicker than your 5K PR.
Can eating more kale than candy guarantee you never get cancer? Probably not. But it can arm your body with a better chance to fight such diseases.
Can quitting drinking sponge every imperfection you did to your brain and liver during decades of partying? Hopefully? No guarantee but greatly improving the chances you will not develop permanent damage to yourself.
The best analogy between being healthy and having bad stuff happen to you I’ve seen is the Russian roulette analogy. For every flaw you have be it diet or addiction you load another bullet in the chamber. The more flaws the more bullets and the more chance that you’ll blow your head off when you pull the trigger. Too graphic? Works though.
The unfortunate truth is maybe we all start with one bullet. Or some bullets that we have no control over. Family history or growing up next to a smog invested highway maybe loaded a bullet into your chamber without your choosing.
Bringing it back to COVID.
I took out as many bullets out of my chamber as possible.
Visiting with family and friends? No.
Dining in or out or in between? No, not worth it.
Anything outside work or my apartment? No.
Dating, sex? No.
Did I get COVID? Yes.
Understandably I was distressed. It felt like I had been on a raw kale diet for 9 months and gained 25 pounds.
I caught COVID from my roomate. He was also a cautious COVID person and caught it at his work office. Not showing symptoms until about four days after his close contact at work.
Damn.
I immediately blamed myself and every loose end I didn’t close. Why didn’t I wear a mask inside? Why did I ever leave my bedroom? Why does someone who earns my salary even have a goddamn roommate you cheap ass?
I barely had symptoms and my mind immediately spiraled into a storm of self pity, blame, and disappointment. This is the first article I’ve published since. About 14 others have made it into the trash can because they were just so depressing and self pitied.
But here we are. I took a bullet in the head and have thus far lived to tell about it. On the bright side maybe the COVID gun has no bullets left. Perhaps my other guns have only one or no bullets in them. I’m going to continue to live life in full by eliminating anything that could put bullets in all the guns that want to shoot me.
If life is going to be a series of guns pointed at us I want to be Django in the movie’s final scene. “Hey you little trouble-maker.”
But may my story be a less graphic tale of caution, hope, and warning. Be it permission to let go of blame, for others and for yourself. Keep living a life filled with health and usually you will be rewarded. For those who have been bit by COVID stay strong, you’re far from alone. This thing can make you feel like an outcast but that it far from reality. For those who have managed to elude it. Yes, don’t stop now, you’re close. Keep running, weaving, ducking dodging, and do this in your apartment with no one else present.
